i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
