Barsexuality is the new black.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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