so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
