My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
