Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
