I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
