You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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