I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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