fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
