found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
