so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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