oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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