Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
