I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
