omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize