hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
