We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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