He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
