1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Two words: blizzard sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
