I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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