I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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