When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
