Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
