They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
