Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
