Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
