Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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