im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Two words: blizzard sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize