No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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