I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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