i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
