Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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