now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
