Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
