i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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