You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
