I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
