Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
