the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
