i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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