Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
