my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
