It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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