I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
