The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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