Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
