come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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