i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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