it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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