and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize