Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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