im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
