i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
