My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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