Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize