I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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