Tell her she can't have a vagina
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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