mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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