so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
