turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
