Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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