I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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