I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
