I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
