Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
