Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
