you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I said "one day" and that day is not today
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
