respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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