I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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