I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
