Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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