so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
