Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck appropriateness.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
