My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize