U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i have herpe
just one?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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