Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there is glitter all over my balls
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
