i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Randomize
