Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Welp...herpes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
