Will you blow on my dice?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
