All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
