Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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