Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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