i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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