grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
