Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
