and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Im part way to drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
