I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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