i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
