Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
