I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
