pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
