The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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