Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
