the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize