Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
