How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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