He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
