fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
