3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
