jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i dont even know how to be here
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
