If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
